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My Heart Bleeds

By Momal Mushtaq | June 15, 2014 | 0 Comment

my-heart-bleeds-quetta-pakistan

At least 15 killed today in bomb blasts in Quetta! Here is what I wrote about the city in year 2008. It is a shame that this article is as relevant today as yesterday. Quetta, my heart bleeds for you.

As I sit here, and attempt to gather my wandering thoughts, I just can’t seem to pen them down. Living in Quetta has sometimes been a nightmare. Other times, it has been a refreshing dream. In winter, there’s a lovely view of mountains covered with snow that I’ve always cherished. I used to cycle around in the streets of Cantonment area. Those days, I felt secure in this now treacherous and threatening city, probably because I was young, and couldn’t grasp the fact that love has almost vanished, and hatred is all around.

However, with the passing of time, everything changed. As I grew older, I realized that my world isn’t a safe place. Now, I’m no longer allowed to go far away and that includes almost every place besides my own house and school. On my way to school, the cold mornings are made colder by the sight of men wearing army uniforms. I’m always left absorbed in thoughts. Are we in the state of war with our own people? Who are they guarding us against?
Life is a queer thing, especially my life here in Pakistan. I love my country, way more than you or anybody can imagine! So, my heart bleeds when I ponder over the present day condition. Each night as I lay in my bed I am scared. What if I never wake up? What if my family and I are the victims of the next inhumane suicide attack?

What is happening in our country? The answer is beyond my imagination. I feel that some game is being played by the powers that be, and we, at root level, are being crushed. I’m confused. I know I am. My mind is filled with innumerable questions, and there’s no one to answer them. Now, as I close my eyes, I cease not to hope of a better Pakistan because while there’s life, there’s hope. Good night. God bless.

Originally published in InSITE, 2008.

Momal Mushtaq

I am a passionate women's rights activist and an aspiring social entrepreneur from Pakistan. My work in development and media communications, with focus on youth and gender equality, has been recognized by global awards, including a first place award from the United Nations.

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